Humorous Birthday QuotesThis collection of humorous birthday quotes is sure to get a laugh. Better hope the recipient has a good sense of humor.Humorous Birthday Quote IndexAging"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."~ Jennifer Yane "They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much." "Age is a number and mine is unlisted." "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." "Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed." "As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." ~ Sir Norman Wisdom "Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life." "First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." "It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen." "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." "Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed." "Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed." "They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body." "If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes." "Of late I appearTo have reached that stage When people who look oldWho are only my age." "Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes First Sign of Maturity"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."~ Jerry M. Wright Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
Forgetting Wive's Birthday"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."~ H. V. Prochnow Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Funny"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."~ Chili Davis "Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them." "You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them." "You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime." "Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? "I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." "The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines." "A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." "Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang 'Happy Birthday.'" "To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am." "The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom." "If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building." "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." "Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese." "Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young." "It is better to wear out than to rust out." "Getting old ain't for sissies." "You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." "Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake." "Youth is a disease from which we all recover." "The first hundred years are the hardest." "The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet." "The secret to eternal youth is arrested development". "For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Men"Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it."~ Chinese proverb Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs." "Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Middle Age"The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything."br>~ Oscar Wilde "Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles."~ Don Marquis "Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever." "Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net." Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms." "Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed." "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional." "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." "At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage." "Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
Proverbs"We grow too soon old and too late smart."~ Pennsylvania Dutch proverb "Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Quotes by Famous People"Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them."~ Anna Magnani "You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them." "At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment." "After 30, a body has a mind of its own." "Getting old ain't for sissies." "You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." "Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning." "It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen." "Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed." "Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty." ~ Coco Chanel "The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." "Life has got to be lived - that's all there is to it. At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that 'this, too, shall pass!'" "If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes." "May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine." "Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young." "At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves." "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes "Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing." "Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty." "For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday." "If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building." "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years." "The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance;the last half consists of the chance without the capacity." "The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." "You make me chuckle when you say that you are no longer young, that you have turned twenty-four. A man is or may be young to after sixty, and not old before eighty." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
"One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late." "It takes a long time to become young." "I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." "The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines." "A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." "Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." "The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Women"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs."~ Unknown "Once I was looking through the kitchen window at dusk and I saw an old woman looking in. Suddenly the light changed and I realized that the old woman was myself. you see, it all happens on the outside; inside one doesn't change." "Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes You Know You Are Getting Old When...“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”~ Bob Hope “A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” “We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.” "Of late I appearTo have reached that stageWhen people who look oldWho are only my age." “You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.” "As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes Youth"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."~ George Bernard Shaw "Youth is a disease from which we all recover." "If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
16th Birthday"The best substitute for experience is being sixteen."~ Raymond Duncan "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
18th Birthday"From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash." ~ Sophie Tucker Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 21st Birthday"Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15."~ Anonymous "When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself." "At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment." "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 30th Birthday"At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment."~ Benjamin Franklin "After 30, a body has a mind of its own." "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. "Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." "When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like you parents." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 35th Birthday"Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart."~ Caryn Leschen "Thirty five is a very attractive age;London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years." "Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five." "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
40th Birthday"At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment."~ Benjamin Franklin "The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men." "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
50th Birthday"Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty."~ Coco Chanel "At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves." "The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." "Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty." "From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
"The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
60th Birthday"A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating."~ Arnold Bennett "Some people reach the age of sixty before others." "What, start at this! when sixty years have spreadTheir grey experience o'er thy hoary head? Is this the all observing age could gain?Or hast thou known the worl so long in vain? Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 70th Birthday"The first forty years of our life give the text, the next thirty furnish the commentary upon it, which enables us rightly to understand the true meaning and connection of the text with its moral and its beauties."~ Arthur Schopenhauer "On my seventieth birthday I felt as if I were standing on a mountain height, at whose foot the ocean of eternity was audibly rushing; while before me, life with its deserts and flower-gardens, its sunny days and its stormy days, spread out green, wild, and beautiful." "Life has got to be lived - that's all there is to it. At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that 'this, too, shall pass!'" "To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 80th Birthday"The advantage of being eighty years old is that one has many people to love."~ Jean Renoir "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." "Oh to be seventy again." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes 100th Birthday"The first hundred years are the hardest."~ Wilson Mizner "May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine." Return to Index of Humorous Birthday Quotes
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