Humorous Birthday Quotes



This collection of humorous birthday quotes is sure to get a laugh. Better hope the recipient has a good sense of humor.



Aging

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~ Jennifer Yane

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.
~ Malcolm Cowley

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
~ Unknown

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
~ Ubie Blake

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
~ Anthony Powell

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
~ Sir Norman Wisdom

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
~ Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
~ Leo Rosenberg

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.
~ Brigitte Bardot

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~ Charles Schultz

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
~ Anthony Powell

"They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body."
~ Unknown

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
~ Euripides

Of late I appearTo have reached that stage When people who look oldWho are only my age.
~ Richard Armour

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.
~ Golda Meir

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Birthday Games

Birthday Bingo

This is your classic Bingo game pre-filled with Birthday items.

With our Game Card Generator, you get a different Birthday Bingo Card for each player- even if you have 200 players! Call card included.


Birthday Charades and Pictionary

Keep the entire group entertained for hours!

Play in teams or individually in this fun game of Charades or Pictionary with over 100 different cards.


It’s All about the Birthday Star

Have guests fill in this questionnaire about the party star and find out who really knows them the best!


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Celebrate

Order Your Custom Birthday Cookies NOW!

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
~ Unknown

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
~ George Santayana

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.
~ Titus Maccius Plautus

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First Sign of Maturity

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
~ Jerry M. Wright

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Forgetting Wive's Birthday

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
~ H. V. Prochnow

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Funny

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REALLY Funny eCard?

Imagine the surprise on the recipient's face when they receive a hilarious ecard with their face and/or your face on the animated characters.

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“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” ― Victor Borge


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.
~ Arnold Palmer

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John P. Grier

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
~ Bobby Kelton

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
~ Phyllis Diller

The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines.
~ Plato

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
~ Robert Frost

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang "Happy Birthday."
~ Stephen Wright

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
~ Bernard M. Baruch

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
~ Henry L. Mencken

If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building.
~ Katherine Hepburn

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
~ Lucille Ball

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Mark Twain

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
~ Billie Burke

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.
~ Fred Astaire

It is better to wear out than to rust out.
~ Bishop Richard Cumberland

Getting old ain't for sissies.
~ Betty Davis

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
~ Bob Hope

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
~ Unknown

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.
~ Dorothy Fulheim

"The first hundred years are the hardest."
~ Wilson Mizner

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
~ Robert Orben

The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.
~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
~ John Glenn

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
~ Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

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Men

Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it.
~ Chinese proverb

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
~ Unkown

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
~ C.E.M. Joad

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Middle Age

Over The Hill Gifts

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
~ Oscar Wilde

Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.
~ Don Marquis

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
~ Don Marquis

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
~ Franklin Pierce Adams

Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
~ Georges Clemenceau

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
~ Anthony Powell

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~ Jennifer Yane

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage.
~ John Andrew Holmes

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
~ Bennett Cerf

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Over the Hill Games

Over the Hill Bingo

This Bingo game is pre-filled with all those hysterical reminders of getting older, like trifocals and dentures.


You Might Be Older Than Dirt

You just might be older than dirt if you know the answers to these trivia questions! A must-play for any Over-the-Hill party.

Answer key included.


Over the Hill Decade Decoder

Here's the game that will have even the history buffs scrambling to be the first to finish! Who will know which decade 'Streaking' was a fad, or when the board game 'Monopoly' was introduced?

Great game to play individually; but if you have mixed ages, break them up into teams and let the youngsters learn a little about the decades!

What song is "It's past the expected time" referring to anyway?

Answer key included.


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Proverbs

We grow too soon old and too late smart.
~ Pennsylvania Dutch proverb

Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it.
~ Chinese proverb

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Quotes by Famous People

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.
~ Arnold Palmer

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment.
~ Benjamin Franklin

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
~ Bette Midler

Getting old ain't for sissies.
~ Betty Davis

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
~ Bob Hope

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
~ Bob Hope

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.
~ Brigitte Bardot

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~ Charles Schultz

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
~ Coco Chanel

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
~ Doris Day

Life has got to be lived - that's all there is to it. At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that "this, too, shall pass!"
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
~ Euripides

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
~ Frank Sinatra

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.
~ Fred Astaire

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves.
~ George Orwell

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny

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Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
~ Jerry Seinfeld

Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty.
~ Joan Rivers

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
~ John Glenn

If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building.
~ Katherine Hepburn

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
~ Lucille Ball

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Mark Twain

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
~ Mark Twain

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years.
~ Mark Twain

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance;the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
~ Mark Twain

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
~ Muhammad Ali

You make me chuckle when you say that you are no longer young, that you have turned twenty-four. A man is or may be young to after sixty, and not old before eighty.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late.
~ Pablo Picasso

It takes a long time to become young.
~ Pablo Picasso

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
~ Phyllis Diller

The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines.
~ Plato

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
~ Robert Frost

Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
~ Robert Frost

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
~ T. S. Eliot

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The Day You Were Born
Personalized Gifts

Are you stumped on what to get a person who has everything?

How about one of these unique personalized gifts with cool trivia on what happened the birthday of the recipient?

Check out one of these gifts from Personalization Mall.


Buy The Day You Were Born History Plaque

Our personalized chronicle is made especially for you and includes your birthstone and birth sign, President & Vice President at the time, headline news, along with the top movies, songs, and sports results. 

Also included are names of celebrities who share your birthday and cost of living comparisons.

The details are graphically created on a handsome walnut wood plaque, and personalized with your full name and birth date, as shown.

Plaque is crafted from top quality walnut wood, with cherry stain finish and high gloss laminate face. Measures 8" x 10". 
 
We carefully researched the specific details and events of this special day to give you an accurate record...enjoy your walk down memory lane!


Buy The Day You Were Born Mug

Our personalized coffee mug is made especially for you!

We will feature any birth date on front of the mug, followed by any 1-line personalization for all to see.

We'll then custom personalize the back of the mug with the top movies and songs, and will also include the names of popular celebrities who share your special day.

Any name is featured at the bottom, for a personal touch to call your own!


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Women

"A diplomat is a man
who always remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age."
~ Robert Frost


"But when I do remember your birthday you say I'm rubbing it in!" - Cartoon
"But when I do...
Bob Zahn
Buy This at Allposters.com

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
~ Unknown

Once I was looking through the kitchen window at dusk and I saw an old woman looking in. Suddenly the light changed and I realized that the old woman was myself. you see, it all happens on the outside; inside one doesn't change.
~ Molly Keane

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
~ Robert Frost

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You Are Old When...

You're Getting Older When... Quote Game

Let the laughter begin as players compete to finish these famous quotes about getting older!

Will players be able to fill in the right word to complete this quote:

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only __?"

This very challenging game will have them rolling on the floor laughing as they race to finish first.


You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
~ Bob Hope

A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
~ R. C. Ferguson

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
~ Unknown

Of late I appearTo have reached that stageWhen people who look oldWho are only my age.
~ Richard Armour

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.
~ Arnold Palmer

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
~ Sir Norman Wisdom

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Youth

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
~ George Bernard Shaw

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.
~ Dorothy Fulheim

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
~ Euripides

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16th Birthday

The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
~ Raymond Duncan

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

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18th Birthday

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

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21st Birthday

Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15.
~ Unknown

When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself.
~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment.
~ Benjamin Franklin

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

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30th Birthday

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment.
~ Benjamin Franklin

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
~ Bette Midler

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
~ Robert Frost

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like you parents.
~ Blair Sabol

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35th Birthday

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
~ Caryn Leschen

Thirty five is a very attractive age;London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
~ Oscar Wilde

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.
~ Joel Hildebrand

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

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40th Birthday

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment.
~ Benjamin Franklin

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men.
~ Colleen McCullough

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

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50th Birthday

Be sure to check out our GREAT 50th Birthday Party Ideas to throw that memorable landmark party.

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
~ Coco Chanel

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves.
~ George Orwell

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
~ Muhammad Ali

Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty.
~ Joan Rivers

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents.
From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks.
From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality.
From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
~ Sophie Tucker

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
~ T. S. Eliot

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60th Birthday

A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating.
~ Arnold Bennett

Some people reach the age of sixty before others.
~ Lord Hood

What, start at this! when sixty years have spreadTheir grey experience o'er thy hoary head? Is this the all observing age could gain? Or hast thou known the worl so long in vain?
~ John Dryden

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70th Birthday

The first forty years of our life give the text, the next thirty furnish the commentary upon it, which enables us rightly to understand the true meaning and connection of the text with its moral and its beauties.
~ Arthur Schopenhauer

On my seventieth birthday I felt as if I were standing on a mountain height, at whose foot the ocean of eternity was audibly rushing; while before me, life with its deserts and flower-gardens, its sunny days and its stormy days, spread out green, wild, and beautiful.
~ The Consolations of Age, translated from the German of Zschokke's autobiography

Life has got to be lived - that's all there is to it. At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that "this, too, shall pass!"
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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80th Birthday

The advantage of being eighty years old is that one has many people to love.
~ Jean Renoir

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
~ Mark Twain

Oh to be seventy again.
~ Georges Clemenceau, upon seeing a pretty girl on his eightieth birthday

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100th Birthday

The first hundred years are the hardest.
~ Wilson Mizner

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
~ Frank Sinatra

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Humorous Birthday Quotes Index

Aging
Birthday Games
Celebrate
First Sign of Maturity
Forgetting Wive’s Birthday
Funny
Men
Middle Age
Over the Hill Games
Proverbs
Quotes by Famous People

The Day You Were Born Personalized Gifts

Women
You Are Old When…
Youth

16th Birthday
18th Birthday
21st Birthday
30th Birthday
35th Birthday
40th Birthday
50th Birthday
60th Birthday
70th Birthday
100th Birthday

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ECARDS
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GAMES
Birthday Party Games
Over the Hill Games

GIFTS
Birthday Cookie Gift Baskets
Birthday Gift Certificates
Christian Birthday Gifts
Over The Hill Gifts
Personalized Birthday Gifts

PARTY IDEAS
50th Birthday Party Ideas

POEMS
Funny Birthday Poems

QUOTES
Happy Birthday Quotes


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