Retirement Quotes

Enjoy this collection of retirement quotes to capture your sentiments for the person about to retire: be it funny, inspirational, or insightful.

Retirement Quotes Index

About Retirement
Aging
Early Retirement
For Those Wishing to Retire
Funny
Gold Watch
Insightful
Inspirational
Irony of Retirement
Quotes by Famous People
Retirement Activities - Fishing
Retirement Activities – Golfing
Retirement Activities – Other
Retirement Advice
Retirement and Marriage
Retirement Money Matters
When to Retire
Why People Retire

About Retirement

"Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it."
~ Abigail Charleson

"Retirement: World's longest coffee break."
~Author Unknown

"Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not."
~ Richard Armour

"I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!"
~Author Unknown

"Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice."
~ Dianne Nahirny

"Life begins at retirement."
~ Author Unknown

"Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it."
~ Gene Perret

"I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron."
~ Hartman Jule

"In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day."
~ Anonymous

"Retirement, a time to enjoy life! A time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working."
~ Author Unknown

"Retirement may be an ending, a closing, but it is also a new beginning."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"Have you ever been out for a late autumn walk in the closing partof the afternoon, and suddenly looked up to realize that the leaves have practically all gone? And the sun has set and the day gone before you knew it — and with that a cold wind blows across the landscape? That's retirement."
~ Stephen Leacock

"No longer having to punch a time clock is my definition of retirement. That way I could do what I want — when I want — anytime I want."
~ Brooky Brown

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Aging

"First you forget names;
then you forget faces;
then you forget to zip up your fly;
and then you forget to unzip your fly."
~ Branch Rickey

"Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did."
~ Robert Benchley

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind … it doesn’t matter."
~ Mark Twain

"Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it."
~ Bernard Baruch

"To the unlearned, old age is winter; to the learned, spring."
~ Author Unknown

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Early Retirement

"There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working."
~ Robert Half

"There are so many other interesting ways to spend your time. I feel like early retirement is a gift, but it's such an incredible gift. It's a gift I need to use."
~ Martha Felt-Bardon

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For Those Wishing to Retire

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
~ Charles Lamb

"I try to treat each evening and weekend as little slices of retirement because no one is guaranteed a lengthy one at the end of their career."
~ Mike Hammar

"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy."
~ Danny McGoorty

"The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement."
~ Author Unknown

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Funny

"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
~ Scott Elledge

"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring."
~ Milton Berle

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
~ Abe Lemons

"The money's no better in retirement but the hours are!"
~ Anonymous

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."
~ George Foreman

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
~ Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

"I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day."
~ Gene Perret

"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
~ R.C. Sherriff

"Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did."
~ Robert Benchley

"Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working."
~ Author Unknown

"As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.”
~ Earl Nightingale

“The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement."
~ Author Unknown

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Gold Watch

"A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service."
~ Harry Mahtar

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Insightful

"Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did."
~ Malcolm Forbes

"Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it."
~ Bernard Baruch

"I promise to keep on living as though I expected to live forever. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul."
~ Douglas MacArthur

"The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode."
~ A. Major

"Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last and one day you will be right about it."
~ Author Unknown

"Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for."
~ Author Unknown

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Inspirational

"Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me. I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door. And, the beauty of time itself."
~ Hartman Jule

"In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day."
~ Anonymous

"Retirement may be an ending, a closing, but it is also a new beginning."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it 'retirement', I call it bliss."
~ Betty Sullivan

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Irony of Retirement

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment."
~ Anonymous

"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
~ R.C. Sherriff

"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese."
~ Gene Perret

"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money."
~ Author Unknown

"If you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have the money, you won't have the time."
~ Wolter's Law

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
~ Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

"I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life, than when I actually worked, but I love it."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working."
~ Author Unknown

"Nothing is more usual than the sight of old people who yearn for retirement:
and nothing is so rare than those who have retired and do not regret it."
~ Charles de Saint-Evremond

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Quotes by Famous People

"When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us."
~ Alexander Graham Bell

"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income."
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

"I promise to keep on living as though I expected to live forever. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul."
~ Douglas MacArthur

"As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning."
~ Earl Nightingale

"Retirement is the ugliest word in the language."
~ Ernest Hemingway

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
~ George Burns

"Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left."
~ George F. Burns

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."
~ George Foreman

"There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit – retire!"
~ Groucho Marx

"One of the best hearing aids a [retired] man can have is an attentive wife."
~ Groucho Marx

"Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them."
~ Louis Armstrong

"Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire."
~ Margaret Mead

"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring."
~ Milton Berle

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Retirement Activities – Fishing

"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
~ Doug Larson

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Retirement Activities – Golfing

"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf."
~ Gene Perret

"Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun."
~ Jim Bishop

"Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty."
~Harry Vardon

"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
~ William Wordsworth

"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
~ Phyllis Diller

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
~ Dean Martin

"If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up."
~Tommy Bolt

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Retirement Activities – Other

"I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called naps."
~ Merri Brownworth

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."
~ J. Lubbock

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
~ Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

"In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball."
~ Gene Perret

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Retirement Advice

"When you retire, think and act as if you were still working;
when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired."
~ Author Unknown

"Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to."
~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

"Retire from work, but not from life."
~ M.K. Soni

"When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us."
~ Alexander Graham Bell

"Planning to retire? Before you do find your hidden passion, do the thing that you have always wanted to do."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"We have no porch, no rocking chair — and no time. My biggest need is a calendar because there are so many things to do. Now I encourage people to retire — the younger the better."
~ Maurice Musholt

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Retirement and Marriage

"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income."
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job."
~Ella Harris

"When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you."
~ Gene Perret

"When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking."
~Gail Sheehy

"Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, 'Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever.'"
~ Gene Perret

"One of the best hearing aids a [retired] man can have is an attentive wife."
~ Groucho Marx

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Retirement Money Matters

"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese."
~ Gene Perret

"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money."
~ Author Unknown

"I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income."
~Gene Perret

"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money."
~Jonathan Clements

"If you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have the money, you won't have the time."
~ Wolter's Law

"Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money."
~ Author Unknown

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When to Retire

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."
~ George Foreman

"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does."
~ Author Unknown

"Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time."
~ Malcolm Muggeridge

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Why People Retire

"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring."
~ Milton Berle

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