Funny Inspirational Quotes

I hope you enjoy this delightful collection of funny inspirational quotes. Be inspired and laugh at the same time!

Funny Inspirational Quotes Index

Adversity
Aging
Apathy
Budgets
Change
Courage
Delegation
Dieting
Dreams
Embracing Your Flaws
Goals
Happiness
Health
Humility
Indecision/Uncertainty
Intolerance
Learning
Love
Mistakes
Opportunities
Optimist vs Pessimist
Patience
Perfectionist
Perspective
Procrastination
Risks
Silence
Simplicity
Success
Success vs Failure
Technology
Value
Wealth

Adversity

"Each misfortune you encounter will carry in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck."
~ Og Mandino

"The brightest thunder-bolt is elicited from the darkest storm."
~ Charles Caleb Colton

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Aging

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."
~ Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age."
~ Victor Hugo

"The first condition of immortality is death."
~ Stanislaw Lec

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away."
~ Shing Xiong

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
~ Abraham Lincoln

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."
~ George F. Burns (American actor and comedian who lived from 1896 to 1996!)

"Inspirational legend also has it that some time ago a journalist asked a 113 year old man about the secret of his longevity. The old man simply stated: 'When it rains, I let it.'"
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Apathy

"The world is full of apathy, but I don't care."
~ Unknown

"My apathy causes me problems, but I don't care."
~ Carl Crowder

"I am very passionate about my apathy."
~ David Vulcez

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Budgets

"The budget was unlimited, but I exceeded it."
~ Donald Trump

Return to Index

Change

"Every exit is an entry somewhere else."
~ Tom Stoppard

"I thought about changing my mind, but then I reconsidered."
~ Brian Haynes

"Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant."
~ Anthony J. D'Angelo

"Change is the only Constant."
~ Heraclitus

"The only certainty is that nothing is certain."
~ Pliny the Elder

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Courage

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
~ Winston Churchill

Return to Index

Delegation

"If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do."
~ Lucille Ball

Return to Index

Dieting

"Super-size meal with diet coke."
~ Unknown

Return to Index

Dreams

"You need to wake up if you want to dream."
~ Paulo Coelho

"Be realistic: Go for the impossible!"
~ Paulo Coelho

"Be realistic: Plan for a miracle."
~ Osho

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Embracing Your Flaws

"I am perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos.. a beautiful disaster."
~ Unknown

Return to Index

Goals

"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk."
~ J.C. Penney

"When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either."
~ Leo Burnett

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Happiness

"Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided."
~ Paulo Coelho

Return to Index

Health

"A hospital is no place to be sick."
~ Samuel Goldwyn

"For fast acting relief try slowing down."
~ Lily Tomlin

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it!"
~ Jim Goodwin and/or Sydney J. Harris

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Humility

"If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect."
~ Ted Turner

"I'm proud of my humility."
~ Unknown

"I'm the humblest person I know."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Indecision/Uncertainty

"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure."
~ Unknown

"On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not."
~ Unknown

"I can give you a definite perhaps."
~ Samuel Goldwyn

"My answer is 'Maybe', and that's final..."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Intolerance

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of

Learning

"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught."
~ Winston Churchill

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
~ Mark Twain

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Love

"I see better when my eyes are closed, but heart is open."
~ Unknown

"In love you always win, even if you lose."
~ Paulo Coelho

"When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason."
~ Molly McGee

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Mistakes

"I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I never made one."
~ James G. Bennet

"If you haven't made any mistakes recently, you must be doing something wrong."
~ Paulo Coelho

"I thought I was wrong once, but I found out later I was mistaken."
~ E. Abbey, The Monkey Wrench Gang, 1985 ed, p. 85

"I am never mistaken. Well, once I was wrong because I thought I was wrong."
~ Juan Pablo Martìnez

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Opportunities

"When it comes to opportunities and your creation of your life, basically you have a handful of choices:

1) You seek out opportunities, use them, and create your own luck

2) You wait for opportunity to knock on your door - and when it does you seize it

3) You lock your door and wait for opportunity to knock it down - which it might, but probably won't

4) You focus solely on avoiding things, including opportunities, and live the life of the zombies, the living dead

5) Out of fear / depression you kill yourself - and start over with a new body but the same challenges."
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Optimist vs Pessimist

"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; a pessimist, that it's half-empty; an engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be; the ego will tell you that you only have half the beer you need; and me ... I'll probably tell you that if you let go of your need for the glass or the beer to be anything other than what they are, you'll be happy. Of course my aunt will tell you that if you let go of the glass, it'll break and the beer will stain the carpet."
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
~ Oscar Wilde

"An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh."
~ Anonymous

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Patience

"I tried to be patient but it took too long."
~ 'Anya' - Joss Wheedon, in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, via Maeve Kennedy

"Patience is a virtue I wish I'd waited for."
~ Allan Tripp

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Perfectionist

"I used to be a perfectionist, but I'm trying to improve."
~ Fray Pascual

"I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault, and I have none."
~ Chris Mark

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Perspective

"The saddest moment in a person's life comes only once."
~ Brendan Francis

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
~ Seneca

"A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe. 'Just lost a shoe?' she asked. He answered, 'Nope, just found one'."
~ Unknown

"Bad becomes good when worse happens."
~ Unknown

"My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure."
~ Ashleigh Brilliant

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
~ Soren Kierkegaard

"Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left."
~ Caddyshack movie quote

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries."
~ Winston Churchill

"Eyes without sight can still have vision."
~ Unknown

"The things that bring joy come from those which bring pain."
~ Unknown

"After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, 'Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief.'"
~ International Herald Tribune, March 2, 1992, page 3

"Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them."
~ Anthony Haden-Guest

"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
~ Jim Horning

"By learning to obey, you will know how to command."
~ Italian Proverb

"I have a terrible memory. I never forget a thing."
~ Edith Konecky

"Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't."
~ Richard Bach

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
~ Albert Einstein

"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't."
~ Henry Ward Beecher

"Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation."
~ Tom Wilson

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Procrastination

"The only thing I don't Procrastinate about is Procrastination."
~ Unknown

"The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling."
~ Unknown

"Don't procrastinate. Put it off NOW."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Risks

"If you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
~ Erica Jong

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Silence

"Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer."
~ Muhammad Ali

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Simplicity

"The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity."
~ Douglas Horton

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
~ Leonardo da Vinci

"To be simple is to be great."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Success

"The two rules for success are:1. Never tell them everything you know."
~ Unknown

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
~ Zig Ziglar

"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."
~ Joe Girard

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
~ Albert Einstein

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Success vs Failure

"Failure is the highway to success."
~ Og Mandino

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
~ Michael Jordan

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
~ Winston Churchill

"The way to succeed is to double your error rate."
~ Thomas J. Watson

"Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts."
~ Unknown

"I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it."
~ Jonathan Winters

"The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra."
~ Jimmy Johnson

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Technology

"Click the 'Start' button to Shut Down the computer. "
~ Unknown

"Keyboard Error. Press any key to continue..."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Value

"I paid too much for it, but its worth it."
~ Samuel Goldwyn

"We're overpaying him, but he's worth it."
~ Samuel Goldwyn

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes

Wealth

"I'm broke but I'm rich."
~ Unknown

Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes


Return to Life Quotes - from Funny Inspirational Quotes
Return to Inspiration Oasis Home Page

New! Comments

Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.


See all the FREE posters
you get when you signup
for my ezine.

Enter your E-mail Address
Enter your First Name (optional)
Then

Don't worry — your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you Inspiration Oasis.

The Dash

It's not the date you were born, or the date you died, that really matters. It's "the dash" between those years and what you do with it, to make a difference with your life.