Funny Birthday Poems

I hope you enjoy these funny birthday poems reminding the recipient they aren't getting any younger and the hazards of old age. Classics like the "Cat in the Hat on Aging" and more.

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“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” ― Victor Borge

Funny Birthday Poems Index

A Banned Birthday Poems from

Cat in the Hat on Aging by Dr. Seuss

Getting Older from

If We Didn’t Have Birthdays by Dr. Seuss

Just Because from

Prayer for Senility by Unknown Author

Video - Life Begins to Suck at 40 by StiK

Life Begins to Suck at 40

Funny video on what to expect when you are 40 years old and older.

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Banned Birthday Poem


I've been banned from having birthdays
A new rule has been made
Signed, sealed and delivered
By the local Fire Brigade!
They say that all those candles
Would create such a blaze
They'd have to come and put it out
And stay around for days !

So, I guess I'll have to party
Without the birthday cake,
Perhaps I'll light one candle
Just for old time's sake,
Those firemen! So fit and strong,
Such handsome looking men -
Whose birthday is it, anyway?
Let's light them all again!

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Cat in Hat on Aging

by Dr. Seuss

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my god, what can I do?

My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad-can you tell?

My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years
have come at last
The Golden Years
can kiss my ass.

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Getting Older


It's birthday time again I see;
Another year's gone by.
We're older than we used to be;
The thought could make me cry.

For getting older is not such fun,
When there's hurting in your back,
And it's agony if you have to run,
And a pleasure to lie in the sack.

Yes getting older is quite a bore,
But to not get old is worse.
So "Happy Birthday!" let's shout once more,
And to heck with our ride in the hearse!

Hooray for getting older! Happy Birthday and many more.

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If We Didn't Have Birthdays

by Dr. Seuss from "Happy Birthday to You!"

If we didn’t have birthdays,
you wouldn’t be you.
If you’d never been born,
well then what would you do?
If you’d never been born,
well then what would you be?
You might be a fish!
Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob!
Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of
hard green tomatoes.

Or worse than all that…Why,
you might be a WASN’T!
A Wasn’t has no fun at all.
No, he doesn’t.
A Wasn’t just isn’t.
He just isn’t present.
But you…You ARE YOU!
And, now isn’t that pleasant!

Today you are you!
That is truer than true!
There is no one alive...
...who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, “I am lucky
to be what I am!
Thank goodness I’m not
just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of
sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That’s a
great thing to be!
If I say so myself,

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Just Because


Just because you're (30) (40) (50),
Don't despair, oh no
Overnight you won't discover
You've lost your get up and go.
Nor will you become all wrinkled,
Nor ache from head to toe.
So even though you're ripening
Don't regard it as a blow,
You won't suddenly look decrepit ....

...Cos that happened long ago!!

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Prayer for Senility

by Unknow Author

God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
― Victor Borge

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