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Funny Inspirational Quotes
Funny Inspirational Quotes IndexAdversity"Each misfortune you encounter will carry in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck." "The brightest thunder-bolt is elicited from the darkest storm." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Aging"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." "Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age." "The first condition of immortality is death." "In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." "And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." "If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it." "Inspirational legend also has it that some time ago a journalist asked a 113 year old man about the secret of his longevity. The old man simply stated: 'When it rains, I let it.'" Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Apathy"The world is full of apathy, but I don't care." "My apathy causes me problems, but I don't care." "I am very passionate about my apathy." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Budgets"The budget was unlimited, but I exceeded it." Change"Every exit is an entry somewhere else." "I thought about changing my mind, but then I reconsidered." "Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant." "Change is the only Constant." "The only certainty is that nothing is certain." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Courage"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Delegation"If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do." Dieting"Super-size meal with diet coke." Dreams"You need to wake up if you want to dream." "Be realistic: Go for the impossible!" "Be realistic: Plan for a miracle." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Embracing Your Flaws"I am perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos.. a beautiful disaster." Goals"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk." "When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Happiness"Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided." Health"A hospital is no place to be sick." "For fast acting relief try slowing down." "The time to relax is when you don't have time for it!" Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Humility"If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect." "I'm proud of my humility." "I'm the humblest person I know." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Indecision/Uncertainty"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure." "On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not." "I can give you a definite perhaps." "My answer is 'Maybe', and that's final..." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Intolerance"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance." Learning"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught." "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Love"I see better when my eyes are closed, but heart is open." "In love you always win, even if you lose." "When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Mistakes"I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I never made one." "If you haven't made any mistakes recently, you must be doing something wrong." "I thought I was wrong once, but I found out later I was mistaken." "I am never mistaken. Well, once I was wrong because I thought I was wrong." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Opportunities"When it comes to opportunities and your creation of your life, basically you have a handful of choices: 1) You seek out opportunities, use them, and create your own luck 2) You wait for opportunity to knock on your door - and when it does you seize it 3) You lock your door and wait for opportunity to knock it down - which it might, but probably won't 4) You focus solely on avoiding things, including opportunities, and live the life of the zombies, the living dead 5) Out of fear / depression you kill yourself - and start over with a new body but the same challenges." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Optimist vs Pessimist"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; a pessimist, that it's half-empty; an engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be; the ego will tell you that you only have half the beer you need; and me ... I'll probably tell you that if you let go of your need for the glass or the beer to be anything other than what they are, you'll be happy. Of course my aunt will tell you that if you let go of the glass, it'll break and the beer will stain the carpet." "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." "An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Patience"I tried to be patient but it took too long." "Patience is a virtue I wish I'd waited for." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Perfectionist"I used to be a perfectionist, but I'm trying to improve." "I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault, and I have none." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Perspective
"The saddest moment in a person's life comes only once." "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." "A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe. 'Just lost a shoe?' she asked. He answered, 'Nope, just found one'." "Bad becomes good when worse happens." "My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure." "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." "Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left." "The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." "Eyes without sight can still have vision." "The things that bring joy come from those which bring pain." "After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, 'Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief.'" "Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them." "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." "By learning to obey, you will know how to command." "I have a terrible memory. I never forget a thing." "Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't." "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." "The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." "Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine." "About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Procrastination"The only thing I don't Procrastinate about is Procrastination." "The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling." "Don't procrastinate. Put it off NOW." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Risks"If you don't risk anything, you risk even more." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Silence"Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Simplicity"The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity." "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." "To be simple is to be great." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Success"The two rules for success are:1. Never tell them everything you know." "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." "The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time." "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Success vs Failure"Failure is the highway to success." "I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." "The way to succeed is to double your error rate." "Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts." "I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it." "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Technology"Click the 'Start' button to Shut Down the computer. " "Keyboard Error. Press any key to continue..." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Value"I paid too much for it, but its worth it." "We're overpaying him, but he's worth it." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Wealth"I'm broke but I'm rich." Return to Index of Funny Inspirational Quotes Return to Life Quotes - from Funny Inspirational Quotes
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The Dash
It's not the date you were born, or the date you died, that really matters. It's "the dash" between those years and what you do with it, to make a difference with your life.
